Stand for Something Now: When Dreams Slam into a Stop Sign

When Dreams Slam into a Stop Sign

I’m a fighter. Not that I can hold my own in a fist-duel with Mike Tyson (or Cicely Tyson for that matter), but if I really want something to happen I won’t take no for an answer. Even while playing Words With Friends I refuse to resign even if all I have left is an X and two T’s. I have to be forced out kicking and screaming. So when I learn about people who have given up on a dream because someone put up a Dead End sign in front of them, the anger sets my blood to boil.

“Who told you it was impossible?” I rant. Then I go through a list of possibilities – options so they will not have to give up. But sometimes I’m wrong. That student will never be an astronaut. That dream job will never materialize. That singer will never cut a record for a big-name label. And those are demoralizing assertions. Who wants to admit that their sole reason for living has exploded in their face?

That’s when the Polyanna, glass-half-full part of me pops out like a bud through the snows of early Spring. “Maybe there’s something else you can do,” I offer.

There’s always that.

Maybe you’ve spent a lifetime as a secretary when budget cuts hit your department and you were left jobless and without insurance. No matter where you look, no one needs a 40-year-old secretary who’s the diabetic single mother of two kids – too expensive when they can hire a 20-year-old with spunk and no dependents.

That doesn’t mean that mother should give up. “Just change your goals,” Mari-Polyanna says. Sure, maybe she’ll have to whip up Lattes as a barista until something else comes up, but something will come up. There has to be a silver lining, right?

Maybe that Dead End sign was really a Merge Right in disguise. Maybe the kid who wanted to be an astronaut can become a computer technician at NASA. Maybe that singer will find spiritual fulfillment leading the church choir.

Recently, a young friend learned she was not accepted into the Veterinary magnet school program at the school she’s been dreaming about for years. Instead, she was offered another academic option with the opportunity to volunteer at the veterinary clinic as part of her community service. “Great,” I said.

“Not great,” she said. The thought of having to take classes outside of her interest was insulting to her. But she’s on the waiting list. When school starts up again in August, I’m almost certain she will be in the Veterinary program, but if she’s not, I think other options will open up for her. She just needs to wait a little; it’s hard to get that through to someone who’s got her heart set on a dream, though.

My point is that too many of us can’t see past the dream. Maybe what we always wanted is unattainable for us unless we learn to work around the speed bumps. Maybe all we have to do is remember to think outside the box. Maybe with a couple of minor changes our dreams will come true.

If I had one wish, I would want my readers to remember that nothing in our lives should be forced to yield to someone else’s traffic signals. This life is too random for you to force a Stop sign into your path because, really, it’s not a full stop. Maybe it’s just a Detour.

I'm ashamed to say this ...

The reason for starting this blog was to point out the good in the young people growing up in this world where earthquakes, nuclear meltdowns, and potential world wars are a real threat. I hate thinking the worst of people, so today’s column is hard for me. It’s an off week where I live, so the only young people I’ve seen have been on vacation at Universal Studios Orlando. And that’s not always the best place to see the best of people. Most of us don’t like standing in line.

We were standing in one particular line Friday when a couple of young men plowed through without asking for forgiveness or excuse. Then the line comes to a standstill in a dark tunnel where it zigzags to a lower level. I thought the boys had already plowed through to the front when I heard them call up to a girl standing a few spots behind me.

“Come on down,” one kid called to his sister. She refused. I think she was beginning to feel guilty for cutting through the line, but her brother continued to egg her on. That’s when the teacher in me couldn’t hold back.

“The thing is,” I said, “it’s not fair and I won’t let her through.”

The boy exploded. He couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let his sister through. Geez, why can't I keep my mouth shut! I thought about explaining that they need to ask or at least they should wait like the rest of us, but then something I didn’t expect happened. A woman standing between me and the girl refused to let her through – not just verbally, she grabbed her as the girl threaded through the crowd then jumped over the wall between us and the boys. The woman tried to jump over, too, and, of course, the boy saw her actions as a threat to his sister.

We almost had a brawl in the tunnel for a water ride in Orlando. All because I tried to teach some kids some manners. I felt ashamed. That's not the time, the place, nor my job.

The thing is, these are the young people most adults see, the ones who think only about themselves, who were never taught the power behind words such as Please, Thank You, and I’m Sorry, kids who walk down the middle of a parking lot oblivious to the cars piling up behind them, kids who proudly flick off the action camera on the ride people have waited an hour to ride in order to purchase a too-expensive 5 x 7 picture they will never be able to show their families.

I still believe there is good in these young people, but every now and then my faith is shaken. Then I remember the adults I met that day. In addition to the woman willing to lay her hands on the sister in the tunnel, the day started with the tourist in the parking lot. He refused to recognize that there were two lines so he rolled along slowly with the traffic in the bumper-to-bumper line next to our clear one. When we flashed our lights to politely tell him to move along, he flicked us off. Then, when we parked two spots from each other, he jumped out of his car and began to berate my husband with language usually reserved for bar fights.

Seriously, dude. Orlando is supposed to be the happiest place in the world. Well, since we weren’t at Disney, I guess he didn’t feel obligated. And the kids in his car? They'll probably end up as angry and rude as he is. Or maybe they'll grow up ashamed to call him Dad.

I guess the truth is that it’s not the youth of America that’s in trouble. It's always been like this. There have always been rude people who take advantage of their place in line. Kids soak it all up. They learn to act the way they do somewhere, but the parents aren’t willing to admit when we mess up.

What do you think? Let me know by posting your comment below.

What's this all about?

The saying goes “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything,” but what does this really mean? In my Young Adult novel, EVERYBODY’S FOOL (check out the link on this page's right panel), that is the critical question for the main character, but I didn’t understand until I remembered what growing up was like for me.

I was what you would call a wanna-be in high school. I wanted to be popular. I wanted to go to the popular parties and have the best best friends, but I had no clue how to do that. I was essentially a loner watching the world go by and waiting for the best moment to jump on board.

I knew the things I liked until someone came up with something better. Music? Styx was good, so was Journey and Poison, then I heard Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA album. Now what? I settled the radio dial on the Top 40 station because that’s what everyone else was doing. That’s what the rest of my life was like. I didn’t want to risk rejection, so I just liked what everyone else liked.

That’s a dangerous thing to stand for. I felt myself slipping in a lot of ways.

The thing is, my mom had this saying she would repeat to me and my sister when we were growing up: “You’re not getting married until you get your PhD.” It was a joke that we tossed around when we needed a laugh. Mom dropped out of high school and got her GED to marry my father not because she was pregnant (she wasn't) but because she was in love and wanted to get on with her life. We knew she had no leg to stand on with her rule, but it stuck. It was what kept me grounded. I needed to focus on my future before I let other things take over.

That’s what this blog is all about. I’ll be looking at issues on the minds of America’s youth. I’ll also be looking at young people who have taken a stand for what they believe in, because that’s one of the hardest things to do when you’re still trying to fit in.

I’m not a psychologist or any kind of expert. I’m a writer and an observer.  About me and that Popularity Train? I tried to jump on board a couple of times. I had a few laughs and a few good memories, but I kept jumping off when the crowd would change the train’s direction.

And that PhD? Yeah, not really me, but I never veered too far from my lifeplan. The thing is, I was never willing to put myself out there and stand for something that might not be acceptable to my peers. That’s why I’m in awe of people who stand tall and proud.

I think the future of our nation is fine, and I plan to find the stories that will showcase how you are my heroes.